Dear Friend of the Future,
I'm writing to you on 19th of February 2022, at 2:22 (almost, soon, at some point) from Buenos Aires, Argentina. It's my last two weeks here and I came back from Patagonia, back from Lago Puelo, the forest as a portal, the persistence of past pain in the present all presented itself on the trip. Right now, I've been taking days to get back into the rythym of the city. Although it's been fun and entertaining, filled with cooking delicious food, listening and catching up on podcast and social commentaries while cooking, eating and crafting. I even decorated my little notebook with a collage. Taking bits and pieces I found and collected, using some of the cards my siblings made me. Ripping apart and recycling, using pieces to puzzle together something I can"t picture yet. From just "being" in the forest to becoming aware of that being being breathed, entertained, distracted. I feel how I'm eating more food than I need to sustain myself (not fullfilled but fully filled, never unable to digest it all before the parasites scream for something more, something sweet). I feel myself scrolling, in the morning while I pee, while I wash my hands, eyes on the screen, not the mirror in front of me. I cook while listening to video essays and podcast. Informative, yes, but to what extent do I use it to not be with my own thoughts?
I write to you, version of present me/we, future self, higher self, self with more sense of self, because I've been sitting with the words, needing someone to hear them, needing myself to read and feel them.
The spring is upon us, and I know, deeply, intuitively, ancestrally, that we are about to birth great things. Toekomstige Tumba, heb je gekregen wat ons toekomst? Ben je de toekomst tegemoet gekomen, ondanks angst? Hoe zijn we er geraakt, waar zijn we geraakt? Zijn saki and ik nog samen? Moet ik uberhaupt samenhang vinden in de keuzes van het universum? Meer dan alles hoop ik dat je gegrond bent, dat je het gevoel hebt op tijd te zijn, genoeg te zijn, genot te hebben.
Ik wil raden naar je omstandigheden, naar je leven. In die zin geef ik ons ook high vibrational intentie, manieren van manifestatie, mantra's voor morgen.
Ik wens voor ons RUIMTE. Niet enkel in de vorm van een zalige woondynamiek, een plekje vol groen, hout en kunst in Brussel, samenleven met lieve en zorgzame mensen, bouwen aan en praktiseren van community builden. Naast thuis wens ik je ook ruimte voor CREATIE, maken en meemaken. Studiospace voor je juwelen, naaien, creaties die je deelt met de wereld, uit liefde en niet uit angst. Ik wens je ook virtuele ruimte, die je vrij en authentiek mag claimen, volgens onze mold vormgeven, bestaan in onze grootheid en oneindigheid, niet uit smallmindedness en insecurity.
Ik hoop dat we nog steeds vansthouden, gedragen worden door rituelen en spritual practices of grounding. Niet enkel een consistente innerlijk ritme dat mag bestaan, ook een omgeving die het toelaat elke dag op te staan en de wereld in te gaan als mezelf (onszelf?!). Ben je intussen in Brussel? Is het iets geworden, een ruimte delen met Ollie of is het toch iets anders geworden?
WELKE VORM VLOEIT DE EP IN? Hebben we doorgezet? Ondanks de angst en onwetendheid dan toch onze innerlijke waterval aan woorden uit ons de wereld in laten stromen? Stap voor stap waden we in de waters van het onderbewustzijn, de weg is niet vrij van pijn. Zo veel gedachten en woorden die mijn brein bevaren, hoe kan ik de gemoederen bedaren, de lingering thought in the back of my brain, bragging that all my attempts will fail, will be in vain, will cause to much pain, will remain a lucid dream, will never manifest into reality. But that's simply not how I see it come into being.
Tomorrow is the new moon in pisces, the opposite sign of my virgo sun, the connection to intuition and emotions, things I feel distanced from at time. So I alchemize these energies to manifest and call into being;
-loving justice, compassion and forgiveness towards myself and my community
-living in brussels, doing art, being financially abundant
-attracting and pursuing international opportunities, exchanges trough my art and practice
-to be witnessed in my practice and selfhood, fully and shamelessly
-being in a practice of loving, having a loving practice of rituals that sustain me and keep me grounded on my path.
- Are you feeling free enough to be in the flow of the universe? Do you still take swims in your streams of consciousness? Do you let it color your contours? Shape the boundaries of your desire? Be okay with whatever transpires? Or do you let trains of thought spiral?
-I manifest SPACE to BREATHE, HEAL,FEEL, communally and in my body
-my desires are not my destiny- but how can I follow my destiny alongside/through my desire? What feelings have I followed, led by a need to succeed/bleed/seed seeds of desire, watering them with tears of despair, so unsure of where to go on this barren land/soiled floor/empty space
-I pray and manifest and hold in my chest and heart that you have grown and thrived in this new start. This new season, year, cycle, wheel of future/fortune/fire the year where all this abundance will transpire
-I send you compassion from the past. I hope you are healing and not let the hurt hold you down so much that you feel drowned. I hope when the emotions are overflowing, you can swim into the stream of your unconscious thougt, let all that is worry be water, let it all wash ashore, laid bare by the sun there it is: the thing that took tides and your pride, but just enough time to arrive. Sorrows turned sea, turned sand, trickled into sand, let it linger in the land, feel it fall trough the fingers of my hand. Do you hold these words inside you still? Have they found the shore? Have they been able to breathe? Be birthed into being? Allowed your gift to sit in the lap of others? Unbothered by the responsibilities beared, barely remembering that there was once a time where you feared BEING WITNESSED? BEING SEEN? DO YOU FEEL SEEN? Do you let yourself be seen?
I feel and see and know all that is inside of me, that has yet to be birth, so i protect this divine blessing inside of me, fearing what it will feel once it it forced into (onto?) the world, as I once was. Will it echoe onto (into?) the white walls of the room? Or the da rk shade of the void? Where it wander off to, I wonder, but then i realize it pains me to ponder without going yonder (further). I can"t stop everytime I get afraid? I need to know where this gift, these words, lead me to. What the steps of this divine path (white, light, clear, as in unable to perceive, as apparant it is to the trained eye, in mine it is transparant)? Nonlinear journey so I keep going in circles. I have this need inside of me that I need to feed, not with fear but with the fruits of my own labour, loving awareness that I am my own saviour, my own salvation, the first of my bloodline, the last of this generation generating pain trough building a buffer between the suffering of past and present pain, future fails if we fail to feel past pain in the present (so it stays).
WHAT IS THIS ABOUT? WHERE AM I GOING WITH THIS GIFT? two letters (EP) cannot encapsulate what it is I want to do. I fear the answer is not outside of me, but I need to find allies and community in order follow the intuition
I FOCUS MY INTENTION on internally being free of fake identitities and beliefs ripped from family trees, like leaves leaving the tree, like beliefs no longer serving me, I am finally free. I am one with the wind and the air that I breathe becomes bliss
-I MANIFEST RADICALLY ASKING FOR HELP: radically ACCEPTING HELP. I am calling out A LEG UP, i plant the seed of awareness (may it grow) that I DONT HAVE TO DO IT ALONE. There are souls seeking me, wanting nothing more than to create with me, teach me, and I ACCEPT
- i accept ease and peace into our presence, into the present. I embody the belief that everything always is working out for me, I allow the universe to unfold in front of my eyes, remaining open, neutral and curious to the outcome. Not REACTING but ACTING from a place of wholeness,fullness, loving awareness and compassion. FIRSTLY TOWARDS ME, THEN TOWARDS THE WHOLE WORLD
-growing in holding space for others, ALSO when it comes to INTERRUPTING OTHERS, leaving space for silence, the other to come in and HELP, be, assist, love, give ideas, fix,solve, BE
- I manifest to Abstain and unload, purify and simplify, release the burden that the body bears unconsciously (trough FOOD,WEED,BELIEFS) I pray for you a better relation to and understanding of this vessel. This when it comes tp inflammatory diet of painful period, traps of the ego and mental prisons crafted by the contents of our subconscious/dark matter. I hope you can reflect on so much knowledge, feel content at the growth
- I WISH U PRACTICE: of dance, movement, yoga,prayer,sensuality,singing,soundseeking,performing,painting,meditation,walkingbarefootbeinginnature,nurturing the need to bleed and succeed at the same time
YOU ARE DIVINE
I AM YOU, YOU ARE ME
together we can succeed, we succomb to the process, release the need to know the outcome and come out of it better and more blessed
GRACIAS GRACIAS GRACIAS
Schrijf je me snel terug? Stuur je me wat liefde, moed en motivatie in het verleden? Ik weet dat ik alles bezit, bevat, benoem wat ik moet doen en wie ik wil zijn. Ik kijk op naar jou, zij is wie ik wil zijn.
Stay gay, stay blessed, stay free from stress,
Elise Tumba Kiambi
19/02/2023
SUN IN AQUA
MOON IN PISCES
PUSSY IN THE PRESENT
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